handwritten

long time no see

2006-02-12T01:13:00.000+08:00

im very frustrated right now because i dont know what to write for ss and its sort of due on monday. i havent really gotten back to the flow of school and listening in class and doing homework. which really explains why i havent listened enough in chem to understand oxidative no.s (which is probably a horrifyingly easy topic) it also explains why i took 1 whole hour and many days of frustration before i could complete my essential questions for lang arts. (which was really quite not very fantastic) i cant even blog properly anymore. i sometimes actually think that blogging helps me improve my english. (which is so pathetic i really should just kill myself)

phew. now that i got that out, i can attempt to umm whatever.

let it snow

2005-12-12T00:24:00.000+08:00

if i repaid all my debts, i would have say, $60 bucks for the rest of the month? whoopee.

maybe i really should have gone to get a job.

ah well. luckily i have reserves and irresponsibility as a character trait. =D really comes in handy at times like this. of course it brings me trouble like being scolded for having no initiative at all! for not charging the toothbrush while my sister was at camp.

everyones been really grumpy lately.

at lunch, i just saw a family of um... 9?? eat together at the table without a single word being uttered. for starters 4 of them had headphones in their ears. (although all i did was look shocked at the out-of-stocksation of egg tarts and was not too communicative with my grandma, i think its fair to say that i was still dazed from the lack of sleep.)

which reminds me of topher grace, from in good company. is he cute or what. it always seems that his profile is drawn out to form something that resembles two parallel lines.

2005-11-30T23:03:00.000+08:00

my new aim in life is to be optimistic.

very optimistic.

the only thing still keeping me here(online) is jay chou

2005-11-22T00:17:00.000+08:00

ah i have this sudden urge to blog.

i suppose im not really a slacker. i feel less happy if i dont do regular trainings or stuff. i suppose morning runs would do much help to my mental and physical health. not to mention the rapidly increasing waistline!!
(the number pad & delete key is not working on my keyboard. its getting really annoying. but i bet its just deactivated due to another patheticly foolish and careless act of mine.)

my head is sorta spinning.

my sis went to get her 'prom dress' yesterday. naturally, i followed with her. its this flouncy tinkerbell like big volumpouss(i'll correct that when i figure out the proper spelling) skirt. rather adorable if i may say so myself. the shop assistant thought i couldnt fit into it. HRMP. i could. im not that fat. i think the fatter i get, the more comfortable i am in my body. =\ that is so bad. BAD. horrificly horrendous.

my head is still spinning. and an annoying voice is duet-ing with jay chou. grrrr

you have just received a new email from Koh Sze Ming.
i suspect his manic street preachers cd is still with me. ( i picked it off the classroom which had to be cleared for symposium.) i promise to bring it with me the next time i see him. oh, i mean next year.
thats terribly irresponsible of me isnt it?

whats new.

if my abnormality level used to be 500ml.
it is now probably only 400ml.
(in this sense, abnormality is synonymous with different. you could take it as uniqueness i suppose, but thats a bit off i suppose.)

come to think about it, jay chou sounds really quite alike in all his albums.
(if anyone wishes to provide me with wider musical horizons, i would appreciate the new jamie cullum cd, or alicia keys unplugged, or the alanis morisette acoustic(there is one right??) or a few good soundtracks. but i understand that it is unlikely that anyone would respond to this plea. meanwhile i have jay chou as my companion.)

we're all gonna die anyway

2005-11-13T21:48:00.000+08:00

global dimming is helping to balance out global warming.
global warming causes glaciers and icebergs to melt.
sea levels rise and we all die.

if the volume of ice is greater than the volume of water, when it melts there should be enough space right?

thus we can conclude that there is a lot of ice above sea level.
perhaps we should try to eat them all or something.
how about transporting some water to other planets? since they will all evaporate there anyway. (that might lead to an increase in humidity which affects .......)
how about separating hydrogen from oxygen?
better yet, change the pressure of the surroundings. (& screw the world in the process)

i once watched some documentry on some ancient geniuses who calculated that the end of the world would be something like 2012. okay, maybe it isnt that soon. cant really remember, it was my lower primary days. i distinctly remember it would fall during my 20s or 30s. (i should be having my mid life crisis now) i wonder why i used to treat that piece of information like it was the biggest secret unknown to the rest of the living world. yes, immaturity perhaps. more of ignorance i suppose. i even wrote it down in a notebook and put a big sign that said DO NOT READ.

oh please, stop embarrasing yourself. and it was your dad who watched the damn thing.

1130pm on a thursday night

2005-11-04T00:01:00.000+08:00

i dont know what it is about scrubs. but i love it.

no, not scrubs. Scrubs! that um..sitcom? the one about doctors in ICU.

its no ha-ha-funny. or ha Ha HA funny for that matter. there's just a sense of familarity(realism) about it. optimistic yet cynical enough. ahhh.
i suppose it helps that the main guy is cute enough from far. (yea, not quite so cute in close ups) nonetheless, we must not be so superficial.

(or should we?)since we're all like that already

i dare say. television has done much (harm) to mankind. but its ok, i love it anyway.=)

65 things i want to do before age 65

2005-10-30T20:04:00.000+08:00

1. scale a small mountain. there is too much cowardice in me to scale mt everest.
2. help build a school
3. earn a million bucks
4. donate a million bucks on impulse
5. become very very very skinny at at least one point of my life
6. do a triathalon
7. keep really really long hair
8. shave bald
9. design my own house
10. fall in love (now now, lets not be cynical here.)
11. stay alive
12. wear a really really short skirt. this should coincide with no. 5
13. look really trashy
14. have a 1 night stand. it sounds really interesting, no?
15. not get aids
16. not get cancer. if i must live to that age, i must try to be healthy.
17. bungee jump
18. white water raft
19. try every other form of extreme sport
20. latin dance
21. belly dance
22. muay thai yeee ha! (ok, wrong sound)
23. walk a dog
25. have a dog! i want the big beautiful type.
26. own a walk-in wadrobe. just imagine, all i can see is clothes, clothes, and more clothes!! =D
27. own a farm
28. drive a sports car in a country where i can actually speed.
29. drive a vintage volksawagen!
30. attain ultimate honesty (meaning, i can tell everyone who annoys me, that they annoy me. what a delicious thought)
31. exude self confidence
32. world peace!
33. have incredibly toned arms and legs
34. find the meaning to life
35. have kids. i will be a wonderful mum, my kids can stay out late, and be as havoc as they want
36. travel the world
37. scuba dive
38. discover my hidden special talent. i mean, i have one right?
39. learn how to make kueh like my ah ma =D=D
40. replace magazine addiction with book addiction
41. read the papers everyday
42. become a theatre artiste, or back stage person
43. paint well
44. vegetarianism
45. shop without looking at the price tag
46. cook really well
47. work at the zoo
48. no more acne scars
49. do something im passionate about. i just havent figured out what yet
50. date a really cute guy.
51. guilt free chocolate feast!!!!
52. stop being so shallow
53. grow up. without being jaded/lame/annoying/boring/anything else negative
54. wash my own clothes in a laundromat
55. college life!! overseas university with a wild party life. (wild fantasy which probably wont come true. i know yes. probably slighted formulated due to ~~simulacra~~ reading too many sweet valley U books in my youth

ahh somehow i lost the rest.

till then.

mild dosages: this is just the beginning

2005-10-27T21:44:00.000+08:00

as the holidays gear up, i shall sink into a semi depressive mode. its either that or an exorbitantly happy situation, one that i dont seem to be feeling at this very moment. besides, since i have not obtained status of psl or ogl, i do not see a reason for any potential~~ly superficial~~ excitement. i have genuinely no idea how people manage to keep themselves so happy all the time. besides, lately its almost as if ive been trying to hard. a bit more and i may just end up a shrieky annoying attention seeking girl whom everyone hates or whatever. perhaps maybe if everyone hated me i could just be well, me. other than my utter disdain for some things in life, there is perhaps nothing else i can be quite very certain of about me.

course of action for the holidays
1. bury myself in books. sounds promising, but it probably wont last long. theres a reason why im not zhihui.
2. paint myself to death. again, has a potential to fizzle out.
3. sleep.
4. exercise excessively (purely due to my passion for sport n oh-so-definitely not because i wish to lose weight. its just a by-product which is welcome at any point of my life)
5. ruin a few more pieces of clothing.
6. bungeejump/bellydancing/thaiboxing/anyotherthingivebeenwantingtolearnsince
forever.
7. join a gang
8. liposuction/laser/anyotherformofsurgerythathasinstantaneousresults
9. attempt to create a fashion line with the main theme of gore/sadism/blood. i have one good idea already.
10. shave bald

yep. plenty of choices.

everyone should be given the right to grow fat.

2005-10-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

i should never had stopped my art lessons and continued on to that stupid o-level art course. argghhh! due to my pure laziness, irresponsiblity, idiocy and... SOMEBODY JUST KILL ME.

now its too late.

fine. i admit. i was slightly embarrassed about it, mainly because no one else seemed to be doing anything quite like that. i never thought i was quite good enough anyway. guess i was never confident enough that way.

i suppose, i was kind of preferring sunday shopping trips instead of sitting in silence drawing. i had like, 2 half-friends there. and how come shopping never happens anymore these days?

told you im shallow.

now im gonna end up a corporate slave. all rejoice.

its an icebox in here!

2005-10-20T22:03:00.000+08:00

shudder. shudder.

chill.

maybe i need to brush up on vocabulary.

2005-10-17T23:50:00.000+08:00

i shall wake up tomorrow not knowing at all what i am doing with my life.

not knowing what to say to my pillow. or my bolster. or that silly cat that still sits on my bed.
(nah, i dont actually talk to them)

what a perfect re-enactment of today.

that sharp pain in my abdomen.

2005-10-16T22:58:00.000+08:00

eat too much la.

im not even gonna tell you what i ate. its too painful to think about food.

its the ~~holidays~~ end of exams and i still havent done any proper shopping!!! $#%^##$@#$ ah can u believe that i went back to school for both the marking days and saturday? i shall not deny the fun in it. (mm.. school is fun!) however, it is quite important to cool off after those tough times. so that kind of left me in a semi-aggressive/stressed mode which led to a semi-depressed situation when well.. night fell. suppose im back to normal now =D

hope so.

thank goodness.

think all the blood has gone to my stomach that there is none left in the brain.
cant think straight.

old fogeys

2005-10-01T01:14:00.000+08:00

its almost liberating, the touch of the keyboard upon my fingers.

mugging?

guilty.

who isnt really. but thats beside the point. i changed my mind. i dont really want to die at 60, cancer or not. i would love to live till a ripe old age, provided that i am healthy and still quite able bodied. which i probably wont be. nonetheless i shall hold on to that microsopically challenged hope.

that perhaps one day i would be happy. healthy. old.

and well.

happy.

look into the mirror and guess what you see

2005-09-18T12:56:00.000+08:00

1st sign that the exams are coming:
when reading comics in the papers, you try to identify the irony in them.

2nd sign that the exams are coming:
you skip rope in the morning because you ate too much chocolate while "busy studying".

3rd sign that the exams are coming:
you blog about the first 3 signs that the exams are coming.

did you realise im only 15? and so is majority of the people i know. goodness. we're only fifteen

im not doing drugs, neither am i catching fish by the river. once again, im just the average kid, doing the average things, living an average life. like a line of symmetry thats always in the middle. (yet another sign of mathematical dominion.)

its 1.30am in the morning and im getting desperate

2005-09-13T01:25:00.000+08:00

its been a while. hasnt it?

partially cos im neglecting the computer for the television. partially because im wasting my time screwing up my webfolio which happens to be headed in the direction of doom. i was just about settled on 1 pathetically plain design, when i saw leon's webfolio. needless to say, i flipped and immediately opened up dreamweaver. i regretted napping in the afternoon instead of spending precious time trying to SALVAGE my horrendous piece of rubbish. in fact, i almost contemplated drawing out the whole design, taking a picture of it and then using it straight as the background image. that way, its done totally by hand (something i do much MUCH better anyway). which again, i didnt do due to my sever case of arrogance and refusal to stoop to such standards thus declaring myself it-illiterate. i can do it. NICE. i'll just spend half my life, possibly coming up with the millionth design and still feeling that it is drastically in the different league as the others. im thinking that when the other people hosts theirs up, i'll just flip again.

and possibly try doing it again!

what can i say? im a perfectionist in my own right.

2005-09-08T23:57:00.000+08:00

a yakult is always better than a vitagen.
thats why you should always drink a yakult.

so what if vitagen comes with less sugar?

which reminds me that my 28 year old cousin has gotten himself a 19 year old girlfriend!! KABOOM!

it doesnt matter if we dont eat.

2005-09-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

look, its technology! lets run in the opposite direction!

argggh. this recent attempt to create a webfolio has left a sinking feeling in my stomach.

innervoice: perhaps its that huge cookie you just ate

i insist not! obviously, theres something about technological advancements and school that does not go too well with me. firstly, i have to blatantly lose my graphic calculator which i never quite knew how to use anyway. i was perfectly happy drawing out my graphs the traditional way. one of the few topics in maths i could get without listening in class (i never listen in class). just when i thought things couldnt get worse, i end up Trying To Do that bloody webfolio.

why can they just give us a ready done template!?! im quite capable in editing those such that they look beautiful enough, and in some cases, unique! okay, perhaps i should have just gone to find a template and not be so ambitious in actually trying to do one from scratch. dreamweaver or not. better yet, i should have just listened properly, concentrated and genuinely tried to enter the world of geekism when they gave us lessons. better a geek than what i am now. i cant even qualify for athlete now. becoming so flabby. ankle wont even heal properly. $%#&B%^@#$ how can i lose that excess fats if i dont start on my lets-kill-those-fat-globules plan?

i finally bought a skipping rope.

holiday

2005-09-05T22:04:00.000+08:00

its been a week for old friends. and no matter what, i always feel happier with them then with others. maybe im growing old, starting to reminise already.

ah so i found a lot of brilliant photos hidden in a box which was transported out of my room and gathering dust. that information was rather irrelevant i suppose, because it would be gathering dust the same, room or not. i wasted 3 rolls of film playing around in primary school! ah anyway, i decided to compile the good ones in a scrapbook.

it was quite traumatising. i was a total FREAK. looked so horrible i almost died just looking. i suspect i was going through some kind of weird phase that i looked better when i wasnt smiling. i was obviously. wrong. in fact, theres portable evidence of that disaster that comes in the form of the ezlink card.

ahhhh!!

its quite uncovered up. i absolutely. REFUSE to stuck neoprints all over my ugly face.

oh well. then me and yvonne went to stay at jove's place. just like the old days. i havent been there for 2 years! goodness gracious.it was then my significant lack of love life-ness was emphasised. gee. really shows how much my emotional independance (loner-ism) has really increased. you almost think im sad not to have a boyfriend. (ok, maybe a little. i can live with that)

=D

i dont need a guy.

then i met olivia and sihui. over food, naturally. guilty pleasures.

if it werent so fattening, i would marry a chocolate. its sweet,tastes mm.. good, consistent, and offers comfort in times of need (like when studying bio *groan*).
which explains why again, im addicted to kisses.

starry starry night

2005-08-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

i did find a secret stash of money last night!

i dont need a rich boyfriend after all. i just need a wishing star!

my star ------>

(ok, so its not the most shimmery or well.. bright.

it'll do for now.)

the world needs wishing stars

2005-08-29T00:14:00.000+08:00

after much dwindling,i finally had my hair cut. much to my delight at that. not because it is particularly well cut but because a hair cut always makes me feel better. literally a weight off your, well, not shoulders. head perhaps. i am determined to wake up 5 minutes earlier every morning to style my hair.

styled hair rocks! =D perhaps, if they were properly styled. supposing it would take me about a month to master the art of hair styling, i would have amazing hair by october! (just in time for the exams. perfect!! maybe the invigilators could admire it.) of course, that is provided i actually keep to my newly made resolution. my numerous previous attempts were not successful. cross your fingers and hope for the best.

did i mention that the hairdresser who cut my hair was very very nice? for that i've decided to become a regular patron of theirs.

3 more days to my return to mbs.

3 NAMES THAT YOU HAVE HAD:
only had 1. u should know it.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT MYSELF:
1. calves
2. eyes
3. fingers/hands

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. skin
2. arms
3. thighs

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. food
2. school (yes, i admit i have no life)
3. umm... chinese?!?! =

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. rats
2. growing fat
3. war

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. air
2. food
3. water. im quite a no frills person la.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. sec2 camp tee (and i promise never to wear it out)
2. dunman shorts
3. retainers

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. no doubt/gwen stefani
2. umm. i more or less like music on a song-to-song basis

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. ~~sex.~~ naah just kidding. happiness
2. understanding
3. attraction?? im not exactly a love person.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. i love you
2. i love me
3. i love animals

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX(es) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. broad shoulders
2. im not particular as long as they look good.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. drawing
2. moping around
3. reading mags

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. lose 10 pounds
2. laser off the horrid acne scars
3. suddenly find a secret stash of a million bucks. im quite very very broke at the moment. im not usually this materialistic im sure.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. designer
2. world saviour
3. tai tai

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. africa
2. mauritius/maldives
3. brazil or something like that

THREE NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. apple. im sorry i agree with paltrow's decision on naming her daughter. i dont understand why people dont like it!
2. chloe
3. damon

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. start truly believing in love
2. go vegetarian
3. be recognised for my efforts and hopefully, talent

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. insensitivity
2. i dont moisturise
3. i like extreme sports. or at least, i like the idea of them. in fact, i should try skydiving!

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. shopping!!!
2. obsessive weight watching
3. well... i like guys.

a tired man is an angsty man

2005-08-26T19:32:00.000+08:00

in a spin of events, we were ambushed and tricked into being happy and amazingly delighted about this week. indie venture week. the school is a wonderful voice box which conveys only what they wish us to hear. it was indeed fun. perhaps however they should realise that we students really really do not enjoy chiong-ing our work at the last minute. especially not after the whole week of doing it. BAH.

i shant complain. it was a beautiful time. i am merely too tired to think positively. it is Indeed Possible to survive on 1 hour's of sleep or so. last all the way till 6 at orchard. b-e-a-utiful. this is so gay i dont know what i am talking about.

list of things i m certain of at my weakened state
1. i want that skirt from far east
2. i cant afford it now
3. hanging around 3 guys is equivalent to being immersed in a sea of sick jokes
4. perhaps its really just those 3 guys
5. guys can be quite a bitch
6. i can be quite a bitch
7. i like friendly dogs
8. we should have more indieventure weeks minus the deadline
9. i like subway cookies
10. i need retail therapy

perhaps when i have had my rest i can sincerely rattle on and be obsessive over how it was fun. and gush about how its an amazing breakthrough in history that i was allowed to stay over at a guy's place. sure feels weird all right.

i expect my toilet seat to be lined with diamonds.

2005-08-23T23:50:00.001+08:00

YAWN.

yesterday i met on the train dunman seniors.

i could do something really spastic right now like punch my fist in the air and shout 'GO DHS TRACK!!'

perhaps its late or i would be rather inspired to do so. only when no one else is listening that is.

i really should soundproof my room.

my sister is convinced that my neighbors can hear every single whimper we make. gee.l maybe she knows something i dont! like they are really Private Eyes spying on us or something. perhaps i Really Am the Royal Princess of Chile or something.

from the little girl who almost became a cynic.

2005-08-21T23:09:00.000+08:00

L is for the way you look at me.
O is for the only one i see.
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone you adore can

Natalie Cole

yes i like a love song and its lyrics. its one of those rare few. i shant reflect upon it as most people do, only landing themselves in depression and others annoyance. or perhaps, it gives rise to great enlightment that i do not wish to obtain at this point of time. ruins the whole thing really. to put in a cliche line, love isnt something you can think about rationally, otherwise, it wouldnt be love. i dont see why that doesnt apply to love songs.

(innervoice: now would you please stop reflecting on why you shouldnt reflect on love songs? hypocrite!)

no caffeine needed.

2005-08-19T01:42:00.000+08:00

1 tau sar piah can really go a long way! not forgetting my yakult of course, less sugar. u cant get those in malaysia where its half price. dear dear, the price we pay for health!! but im sure it was merely purchased out of the yakult addiction kicking in.

as i was saying, it lasted me a hour and more for frustrating physics and other miscellaneous stuffs i really shouldnt be doing. i should be sleeping!! but somehow im terribly awake. havent even put on my retainers. =D did i mention that my mum changed the broadband modem n now i can surf Undisturbed in my room with Good connection! finally, this stupid laptop is being used.

my dad would be leaving this house in about 3 hours to go to some ulu place (as usual) in tibet or one of those countries to pray to some buddha or climb some holy mountain etc etc. always kicking up a big fuss about packing. would it be really mean if i said that i m really glad he is going?? sure i love him and all (i think) but too much of him is seriously hazardous to health.

dads!

old men!

gee. whatever would happen to me when im middle aged, and stuck with a guy like that for the rest of my life?!?! ahhhhhhhhhh

this just further reinforces my theory that guys are nothing but trouble. commitment is nothing but self imposed torture. perhaps i should stick to my (abandoned) resolution of not marrying.

2005-08-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

~~ahhh its 11.37pm in the night and the bio sake kit has minimal progress.I HATE BIO!!!!!!ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~
~~hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~
~~hhhh~~hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhh
hhhhhhh~~hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~
~~hhhh~~
~~hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~

i admit. my bad habit of exaggeration has once again overtaken my rational mind. (i do hope i have one in the first place) must be that need to sleep, or better yet, to study chinese.

i wanted to moan about the amount of icecream and doritos i had consumed today.(and am about to get) when i realised i've been doing that a lot. bad BAD. i really shouldnt be this shallow.

oh this world is shallow! this world claims to be oh-so-civilised, turning out only to be the exact opposite. did anyone notice the new channel 8 show starring xie shaoguang? i am indeed quite offended with the title. i quite resent that reference of females to hens. MEN! although, it may be partially due to them being egg sellers or something of those sort, it still sounds horribly offensive. we are not merely ANIMALS for your reproduction line. gee. its totally understandable that propaganda is a must, but really, could they please make it a little more respectful? especially on PRIMETIME NATIONAL TV.

its bad enough we (might) have to go through childbirth.

u MEN are just so insensitive!

HRMP.

sheding skin

2005-08-14T16:04:00.000+08:00

3 cheers for the peeling of that horrid almost-black layer of sunburnt skin! revealing beneath it a beautifully bronzed shoulder. therein marks the confirmation that my chances of getting skin cancer has stepped up a notch. oh how i torture that layer of epidermis cells!

fortunately. i just found out that applying sunblock can also give rise to skin cancer.

you just cant win it all. can you?

on-again. off-again.

2005-08-11T21:32:00.000+08:00

reasons why i love(& should stay in) xcountry

endorphins
toned legs (calves are a long term investment!)
skinny arms(?)
active college life
fulfil my potential
make full use of my running shoes ($100 bucks ah!)
get a scholarship
nice people
possible arrival of cute guys
discipline and resilence

sounds good eh?

2005-08-10T10:23:00.000+08:00

when i say things, i sometimes dont actually mean it. (its a female thing)

when i say i want to fall sick i actually mean i want to skip school. NOT ACTUALLY FALL SICK!!

ahhhh. this morning i woke up with the worstest ~~cramps~~ stomachache on earth. i NEVER have those!!! and today they plague me. argggggghhhh. must be the retribution for all the evil i have done!
(i dont even want to go into details)

finally i feel better. and my sister comes to talk to me. Only For Me to realise that i in fact, have a scratchy throat!!!

and since when did they implement that all hcl (higher chinese la) workbks have compre at every exercise?! want to KILL us is it?! #@$%^%&%^#

mid life cris(is)ing --- the big 4-O

2005-08-09T21:08:00.000+08:00

we are facing an epidemic. chronic depression --- its a killer.

ok. that just sounded like a very bad ad to create awareness. i can just imagine. grey pictures of sad people, blood. black screen. white words flashing. its so typical, i dont believe many people will actually react to that.

important. no less. maybe i should start a movement.

10 ways to fight depression

eat chocolate. an all-time winner!
exercise. risky. because of course, the mere thought of it could lead u straight to depression.
retail therapy. works best when u have a mother or rich boyfriend. best not attempted alone, results can prove to be disastrous.
stop drop and roll. the silly things we do best! =D
jam loud music in your ears.
jam silly music in your ears.
jam sad music in your ears.
scream into the sea. ive always wanted to try it. really.
happy meal!
draw. if you must be depressed, might as well get famous about it no?

alternatively. just have sex. since people enjoy it so much, it must make them very happy.

wont it be nice if they just sold happiness off the shelf?

i wonder if the teachers ever come here.

2005-08-08T21:21:00.000+08:00

well if they managed to get here, all i can say is...

gee. teaching doesnt take That Much Time after all.

why read a blog about small insignificant me anyway? all they will think is that im a semi-depressed, semi-angsty, weirdo. which i probably am. but still, i prefer an illuded impression on me. especially if its to the people who will be writing my testimonial and determining my future.

besides. they dont even gossip with us!! therefore they Shouldnt know about our lives. its just against all proper social order.

did i mention that they are doing minimalistic actions to cut down our workload??

oh why do i even bother!

easily bruised

2005-08-06T21:11:00.000+08:00

and thankfully i dont mean emotionally. im quite strong that way.

there has been a significant influx of bruises on my leg. and recently knee. then i have like a million cuts on my feet. then theres that still half swollen ankle. i need a doctor!!!! help?

i dont suppose its impossible that im actually like sleep walking and abusing myself in the middle of the night?

also. of late i just havent been hearing or seeing or thinking or things right. ive always known im a little deaf. but blindness and hallucinations are something more or less completely new to me.

mm... mid-life crisis anyone??

on to normal-er things. yesterday was dim sum dollies. spoofing singapore once again. getting quite typical, but i appreciate it no less. it was one of those days when i ate very little. rare for me, i know. i do suspect i was vaguely overdressed. ah well, different people have different expectations. a bit more class politics here and there, a little more money spent here and there. a little lack of gossiping. a little going home late. a little bit of disagreement with my mum. a little bit of grumpiness. a little bit of happiness.

mm.. even shopping is starting to get boring.

pls look down on me because im ordinary.

2005-08-02T17:58:00.000+08:00

which part of i need to sleep to people not understand?

im just a normal kid trying not to die by the age of 30 (of cancer)

which part of i need to eat does the body not understand?

im just a normal girl trying not to drown in fats.

my life was looking up, and then suddenly it seemed to be headed for the dumps.

waaa.... i finished my bio assignment, only to realise i missed out 3 whole bloody questions. i get myself stuck in this stupid school only to get tortured, re-tortured and re-re-tortured. with no(t much) friends whatsoever and people who annoy the shit out of me.

do u think its because im not christian?

2005-08-01T20:44:00.000+08:00

today is turning into quite a good day.

and i will not ruin it all for myself by blogging about something :( sad.

today is a day for :) smiling

in extreme cases, today could be a time for :D laughing

well. i could always sock my bio teacher in the eye.
(i dont suppose she's reading this)

friends leave you more alone than ever

2005-07-31T22:31:00.000+08:00

isnt that kind of paradoxical.

(i hope i used that word correctly and spelt it right. my english is not really very strong yea. though i did recieve a compliment that day that i dont speak english like a dunmanian.

thats..

a compliment right?)

ah well. i just kinda finished my essay from hell. new imperialism, whatever it is im still not exactly certain. bio down too. both are pretty poorly done if i may say so myself.

cant help it.

my ankle is officially swollen. nope, a bone didnt just plomp itself below my knuckle overnight. on the bright side, there is no xcountry training so there is time for rest. god bless it recovers soon. it could ruin my entire (pathetic unaccomplished) running career. for good or better. ok, or for worse.

i officially declare the handphone a vice. or rather, maybe its just me? im just ruining more and more good friendships through the usage of that.. rectangular electronic device. and then it just makes you feel so terrible. i've never been good at people relations (its getting worse). why must they come and invent something that would just make my life more miserable?

time for some heroin/marijuana/weed/pot/whatever/good plain alcohol.

my cousin should just about reach singapore now. wont it be nice that i should now have face-to-face company of a living person? and not blank screen full of words(that i dont want to read anyway)?

2005-07-30T18:56:00.000+08:00

ah shit.

i think i kind of injured my ankle. it generally feels fine and all. i can walk etc etc.

however..

there seems to be a bump that should not be there. there is that possibility that its actually swollen. to a small extent. it feels weird at times.

waa... just when i wanted to go back for xcountry training la! this is so crappy.

why.why. why am i so accident prone?!

2005-07-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

my body temperature just dropped 10 degrees.

im freezing in my own little isle, my little room with the new air conditioning.

my wrist is practically stiff. icy cold.

dont ask me why im still wearing shorts. im delusional.

2005-07-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

waa.. i think i have a new pimple growing on my eyebrow.

oh such unfortunate things always happens to me! freak chance. and my graphic calculator has go MIA on me. again. that just emphasised my last point.

its so difficult to blog with your mum looking in every five seconds.

which almost gives me an impulse to curse. but no, im not that bad yet. somehow being immersed in an environment which is so fraught with vulgarities has made it so easy for me to say them too. but no, i shall control. be polite courteous and nice.

at home.

at least.

the world is made of corn

2005-07-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

so much for being patriotic today. i just heard the national day song for this year.

cringe.

ruien and taufik. how predictable, taufik at least. the lyrics are the most corny in the universe. something about soaring and reaching for the skies. and the melody is possible the most forgettable tune on earth! which ironically seems to stuck in my head. which is still, besides the point. ruien's voice so significantly louder and brighter than our idol's, which sounds terribly strained. not what i seemed to remember. the video, of course, is complete with cheesy dance moves and a myraid of people swaying around trying to look happy.

tasty.

national day songs used to be so good. i especially like the tanya chua ones. i've seen her live before, she's quite good.

im so tired after running the whole day.
that reminds me of the worst pick up line one could possibly have.
guy: are you tired?
girl: yes
guy: thats cos you have been running in my head all day.

double cringe.

courtesy of yet another lame joke sharing session we seem to have almost all the times there is a big group. im not complaining. either that or its a gossip session. exciting! =D i have learnt more in 1 night than in the past month. ahh well. house com farewell party. i'll miss the seniors i suppose, despite the fact that i havent actually gotten to know them. so technically speaking, im actually missing the chance of missing them altogether. i was quite.. touched(?) that yongsheng asked me to take a pic with him. i've spoken to him like, twice before? the first happens to be a 1-liner. pardon me. i get affected by the puny miniscule things in life.

maybe i was dreaming. i've been dreaming quite a lot lately. about very everyday things. i dreamt so many times of me waking up i never really know when im awake anymore.

2005-07-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

it was just one of those days. when nothing really seems to go wrong but nothing really seems to go right either. when you fall asleep during maths, but wake up realising you can actually do what is being taught. when you get intrigued by the oh-so-exciting facts of the alimentary canal while being annoyed about the pathetic notes you made and will have to read in the future. when the day is over yet it seems like it barely started. where thursday instead of being a prelude to the weekends, really just seems to be a sign that the next monday is drawing near.

where you cant wait to get home. but dont really know what to do.

when everyone is laughing. and you get the joke. and you just laugh along only for the sake to laughing?

when you are really full. but you just eat and eat anyway because it makes you feel better.

when you're approaching the end of harry potter. and you want it to end but continue all at the same time.

when you seem to have so much work. and yet so little.

and you think of your pathetic life. the pathetic shedules. the pathetic rushes for nothing at all. and you realise, there is really nothing much to living. everything is so absurdly mechanical.

sometimes i think that in trying to become the 'perfect' student/girl/teenager/person/whatever i kind of lost a part of myself. i dont feel that bubbly happy talks-too-much-about-nothing part of me anymore. i dont feel myself. i dont know whats my personality anymore. which is why ive been eating so much lately. cos it makes me happier, for no reason whatsoever, compulsive eating just makes me feel like i have returned to the old me. the me that i actually know, that actually used to exist.

and the weirdest thing is. i never ever actually feel like eating anymore.

gay men. and how they have/have not ruined my life.

2005-07-20T22:46:00.000+08:00

okay. to be fair, it was quite ruined in the afternoon but became quite restored now. thank goodness for my sudden spurts of efficiency for schoolwork. kudos to chocolate too.

harry potter has ruined my life.

because of him, i have missed out 1 day of napping, >3 periods of break, countless times which i could have done my work and not end up with panda eyes, the list goes on. (okay not really but thats beside the point.)

and he isnt even cute! arg. is he really worth such a sacrifice?!

did you notice how the wizarding community doesnt use computers even in the year of 2005? they have piles and piles of books/records whatever. even us common muggles have advanced into the magic of techonology. harry's weird obsession with malfoy and his want to do everything is really quite discerning. ron too, has become rather...obsessed. surely, not all teenage boys are like that.

i suppose im in no position to comment on the book yet. i have yet to complete this tragedy. yes, dumbledore died. what an ass. hmm.. apparently voldemore might have been modelled after hitler. who coincidentally might be gay.

ALL GREAT MEN ARE GAY. alexandra was gay. hitler was gay. um.. etc etc? history is not my strong subject. not that i have a strong subject.

i would love to develop such a lovely idea but my arms simply would not allow that. aching. rock climbing bah. i promise to get past the overhang within the month of july. sounds achievable no?

i wont pretend i cant live without music

2005-07-19T20:50:00.000+08:00

just listen to the beautiful sounds around us.

the natural sounds. from the world we live in.

birds in the trees. the splash of water from those puddles u just happen to step on. that uncle who rides the bicycle everyday(i cant exactly recognise him). the amazingly childish and mature conversations. the list goes on.

i dont really deserve to have a mp3 player. its severly under utilised. im so uncool, but i dont really like the feeling of music jamming in my ear. (only when i just want to shut out everything, which again, is exactly a rare sight.) makes me deafer than usual after that and i always feel like im just gonna be a permenant disabled. apparently its bad for the heart too.

its really much healthier this way. dont intrude on my peace. thats only permitted when im surrounded by all those tech-y stuff(unnatural environments). then a little music would only make things better.
come to think about it,

i dont really like technology.

sure, it gave me the internet. im not complaining. mobile phones? can be a severe annoyance at times. there are those times when i just look at it, and will it to just go away. you know, when u are dreading communication with the world, then suddenly u recieve radiowaves?! which is incidentally going to be the cause of your imminent brain damage, when it isnt your fault at all? then when you want some kind of reminder that you exist (and people actually notice), it never rings? pathetic. a plain annoyance i find it at the moment. too many stuffs that i dont really need.

aha! caught you there. i bet all that stereotypical teenager-ish-ness was going right through your mind. mm-mm. not your average teenager me.

just a mechanical robot living in the midst of the 21st century.

the sun doesn't go down. it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round.

2005-07-16T17:38:00.000+08:00

ahh nice saturday afternoons all alone. at home.

and u thought i had problems being ~~lonely~~ by myself. its the best. love it.

i ditched timothy cos he was getting annoying. never knowing where to go. i hate it most when he is indecisive & blur. 2 qualities a guy must never have.

anyways thats not the point. its merely the reason im at home. (of course theres that bonding session in school which i skipped. it would have been fun but there no way NO WAY im going back to school on a saturday AGAIN! shortens ur weekend and therefore lifespan by a lot i reckon.)

so as i was saying. its the best cos the tv isnt bad. mtv was amazing crap but i watched it anyway. and then theres that jap show about newscasting which has this super cute guy actor. =D he is like a asian version of hugh grant, only cuter. always a bonus that he has the role of nice guy. as in with a brain, a heart and no girl. ha! never happens in real life. ahhhh

lovely days. then i can spend a million years wondering whether i should go jogging. then flip open a mag only to find out the 2 people u actually like from proj superstar are out and then starts wondering What Is Wrong With The World. then remembers its the chinese music industry, which sometimes tends to get.. a little... judgemental.

mm with that said, it had nothing to do with the actual judges.

of course being at home means i dont have to dress up. i can stay in my comfy pjs. snoopy shorts have about 2 holes down the side. i need new pjs! =D

mm. i came to a conclusion about myself that day on the bus. but.. thats for later. another time. saturday afternoons are too precious to be ruined by thinking.

spoken like a true bimbo.

communism: a society where all property is held in common

2005-07-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

now now, aint that sweet?

and the best part is their communist anthem. =D although the propaganda posters come close.
L'internationale they call it. quite unfortunately, Not the dunman high school song. comes in over 20 languages. mm.. tasteful.

http://www.hymn.ru/internationale/index-en.html

the starting sounds a bit like the victorian anthem. but overall-ish it kinda sounds like the genovian song from princess diaries. especially the russian one. gee, i didnt know i had these kind of inclinations towards communism. which turns out to actually be quite interesting, once i actually started reading the info.

pity it doesnt work.

mm.. surface evidence seems to show that im starting to like my elective.

mm...

my secret ploy to make the whole world fatter than me II

2005-07-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

everyone, eat chocolate!

do the math:

a chocolate bar averagely has 220 calories
and i JUST realised
that a yoghurt (meiji) has about 180 calories.

220 - 180 = 40

40 calories = insignificant!

therefore, all you chocolate junkies rest assured and continue eating!
yoghurt junkies, its NOT WORTH IT. convert to chocolate today!

my secret ploy to make the whole world fatter than me.

2005-07-11T21:29:00.000+08:00

too all who have nothing to do on a monday night, did u watch that jacelyn tay show? goodness. she is ANOREXIC. she doesnt EAT.

to be fair. she doesnt doesnt eat per se. she just doesnt eat Real Food. she eats OATS for breakfast. obscure looking things for lunch and like salad for dinner. to make things worse, its salad WITHOUT DRESSING. gooodnesss gracious me. what kind of life does she lead? her legs are like as skinny as my arms?! and her arms could be bundled together and still be mistaken for bones.

i wont want my(ok, our) future generations growing up to become like her.i dont care it they are fat, just EAT. please. people.

while you can afford it,
while u can enjoy it,

while ur still alive,

while u still have teeth,

EAT!!!!

this is my plea to the world. can we please, just eat?

then we can all grow fat together =)

2005-07-10T16:34:00.000+08:00

everyone should have a car.

how else can they survive?!

Singapore's transport system may be efficient. good. whatever blah. good rides even sometimes give rise to good sleep. bad rides do result in throbbing headaches.

but waiting for them to happen (for the buses to actually arrive & the taxi to actually take you)? Always a headache. i almost killed my kid cousin yesterday because we had to send her back and there was no taxi coming. AND it was almost 10 at night, i was tired (being up too early for vip open house) stinky annoyed and becoming very grumpy. all i wanted to do was go home and it was her who kept me away from my only desired. (yes, i am a spoilt brat)

finally a cab came after what seemed like forever. i decided i was being mean.

the conclusion still stands. everyone should have a car.

the other conclusion one can make is of course that im too high maintenance for my own good. i get annoyed easily which results in grumpiness. which just makes things worse. i get annoyed at my own annoying self. (this has gotta go) im developing an attitude problem and becoming unsatisfied with everyone in the world. i dont care about others (or at least i dont show it). i suspect the only feelings of sympathy coming from me has roots in the brain. ie. i am sympathetic only because it is the correct thing to feel. oh and coincidentally, no one is ever on the same wave length as i. whee.

its just me. (true love never happens to annoying people)

2005-07-06T21:00:00.000+08:00

oh look. me! reduced to lowly vandal. im not even something cool like. serial killer. if ur gonna be jailed, must be make it worthwhile right? oh, im really not that short.

London wins 2012 bid by 4 votes.

cool eh. im gonna watch it live one day. guess china is out of the picture, wont have enough money by then. London sounds good. no?

late night showers

2005-07-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

the best time to bathe. except maybe early in the morning. i havent done that much considering the kind of time i wake up. in fact, i probably bathe in the morning all the time. you know, really Really early in the morning.

the water is instantaneously hot. (yes thats bad for the hair) no more waiting tens of thousands of years. thats what you get in an old house when only 1 heater works. its even better after being frozen at 19 degrees for hours to the end. as a matter of fact, even the water at the sink gets warm (very good for washing the face). the water pressure is just right. doesnt suddenly become lighter cos your mum's bathing at the other bath. when you step into the bathe, its nice and dry. not humid because the person before you took a deliciously warm bathe. no waiting because no one but you are awake. no one waiting because no one but you are awake.

no one bothers.

not one.

the only downside is that u gotta sleep with your hair a little damp. bad for the head, i know. recurring headaches my dad says.

and one day u decide to watch a horror flick. or one when the girl gets kidnapped in her house. you're too scared to go to the toilet, but you still do. u look around ever so cautiously. all the time. and try to brainwash yourself with happy thoughts. better yet, you are suddenly aware of the windows high up the ceiling. you start wondering, is anybody looking? what if someone's camera is there. what if a cat suddenly falls on your head?

finally your life seems to have a bit of excitement.

you see an insect in the bathtub. crawling. your all naked and ready to shower, yet you dont want that poor thing to die in a flood.
so.. you wait.

and wait.

and.

wait.

until you can wait no longer. then in one quick motion you turn up the tap and let the water gush in. you feel sad, yet terribly relieved at the same time. you wonder whether it will happen again the next time. you almost wish it did. but no, you know that they too are just innocent lives.

often you see how fat you are. (i've been meaning to go jogging one day) you tell yourself not to eat anymore. you wrap yourself in a towel, thinking. i'll look fat in a tube dress. but you push it behind your mind anyway because that happens everyday.

you brush your teeth. you wash your face. you go to sleep.

goldfish in a bowl

2005-07-04T00:14:00.000+08:00

ahh we all know that half the templates on this internet suck right. i shall wait till im free-er before i change it. meanwhile minor changes shall do for this not-quite-so-IT-savvy-idiot. yes the bloody im website is Not Going Well. i can imagine how the webfolio will look already.

oh well. my life could be worse. though i havent started studying for my tests and done my homework yet. and for some kind of weird reason people dont believe me when i say that. i speak of the truth and im looked upon as a liar. probably cos its so unimaginable that someone can actually be so slack and still be in the ip. i dont even ~~look~~ get stressed anymore these days. EARTH TO XIAOXIAN. wake up! start moving! ur back on planet school.

today i saw a goldfish in a bowl. the opening of it was probably the only slightly more than the size of my palm. in other words, it was pathetically small. in a shop! trying to do something about the bubbles above it! can u imagine?! that is the SADDEST THING ALIVE.

if anyone is reading this (which i seriously doubt at all), no, you are not the saddest thing alive. and neither m i. oh we should all start rearing goldfish! does wonders to your optimism.

i should really stop being such a sadist. im not even that sadistic. my mum just thinks so.

i suspect im really just another animal lover. of course only if there is no contact whatsoever with that creature. they just become plain bothersome then. misunderstood (can never be understood), loud, always hungry, always pooping. still. they are the innocent victims of Man's uprising against Nature. they didnt even do anything! they just look good on a plate! oh and in a bowl too of course. haha. (did u get that? i suspect u didnt because it isnt even funny. have been taking to making weird/unfunny/probably not jokes at all jokes.~~must be the drugs.~~)

2005-07-03T22:55:00.000+08:00

it has just occured to me how terribly similar me and olivia's blogs are. format-i-cally speaking. especially since i removed my tagboard. i didnt even realise she removed hers till umm.. just? mines a whole lot more minimalistic. plainer.

i hate that its the same. icky feeling.

i shall go look for a new template.

lunchtime thoughts

2005-07-02T11:49:00.000+08:00

ah i just wasted one whole friday night sleeeping.

stupidest ever. n in turn all i got was a quarter of the saturday morning. which is not worth it at all cos saturday mornings are boring. and im stuck at home trying desperately to study for the 3 upcoming tests and the mountain high of homework due next week (which were really just my holiday homework).

then my arm kinda feels weird. must be rock climbing yesterday. ijust realised i have no idea how to use my leg strength to pull me up at all. or rather, i do not have enuff leg strength. that quite ironical considering that im really a xcountry runner who should have a lot of muscles. to add to that i used to go gym quite regularly last year. funny how muscle can be lost so easily. all u need to do is slack for half a year.

speaking of that. timothy got me a dhs track tee. ha! finally! n he paid. ha! he had so much potential to be a nice guy. pity he is so clueless and bout half the things he says.

meanwhile during this week i have been thinking of my career choices/service learning.

the following are the (limited) career choices i was exposed to.
NASA Rocket Scientist: duh NO. these people dont speak in my language. and No i do not like maths. n i guess its just totally off track to say that i hvent done that math assignment due last monday. i do however know now that my weight at the centre of earth is zero.
Psychologist/Psychiatrist: ok there Is a difference. big deal. its medicine. read: by the time im qualified i would be 298 years of age. otherwise, a consider-worthy choice. maybe i'll suddenly fall in love with school (esp since i've been trying to convince myself so lately.)
Doctor: see above. :
Social worker: i recently discovered a kind(?) side of me. i almost signed up for sign language courses/offered to volunteer at IMH. though i suspect the sign language thing is really just cos i thought it'd be cool that i knew something others dont. oh and IMH is conviniently situated a few minutes away from jalan kayu where i can go for prata. oh did u know that IMH has a sandwich bar run by rehabilitating patients?

mm.. thats about it. i think i want to open an art school. in later years of my career of course. which means i should go to art school which means i might be poor for the rest of my life.

oh did u know that i can draw?

not too bad i suppose. there are better ones im sure. oh well i guess i do these people w/o faces sketches pretty well. if it sucks dont tell me cos i might have a self esteem breakdown. (yes im seirous). being in ip is quite bad for your self esteem. baaaaad.

some guys are really uncomforatble around girls there. and vice versa. the guys are so brudder. or worse, gay. it was quite funny during the share session when the girls started talking about guys. i wonder what the guys would have been asking. coincidentally we are all encouraged to go on more dates and do not start a relationship when u have a crush. teachers here are just so open! which is possibly the best part about this place. the worst part curretly not having celebrations for youth day and the much coveted half day.

ahh.

happier girl.

2005-06-29T23:05:00.000+08:00

gone are the days when girls fantasize over true love.

that one Perfect Prince Charming/Knight In Shining Armor/Till Death Do Us Part guy. its the guys turn now!

ha! take that! now they can get heartbroken, attempt suicide, sink into depression and die because they expect too much. together, us girls can stand united and fight the against the evil forces of love. we can have no children, not get married, hang around with different guys every night. we are independent, self fulfilling individuals. we are cynics. the guys will be hopeless fools waiting for that One True Love to appear.

whee. i cant imagine what the guys were talking about. they're. all. so... believe in love-ish!

i shant get married. shant have kids. stay alone till the end of my ~~sad~~ happy (its a matter of perspective really!) life.

ok. possibly cos i wont find someone. or im just unrealistic. but thats beside the point.

ah.

i've been quite happy these days and therefore i have nothing else to say. that love thing is an age-old mindset thats here to stay. im moving for camp zhihui.

happy xiaoxian is contented and she does not have much opinion. she is less of a cynic. (my love cynic-ism is a hoax? im just waiting for true love *sigh*) less angsty less demanding and less annoying. she is more of a bimbo. she has a positive outlook to life and is possibly even optimistic.

i hope she stays.

2005-06-27T21:08:00.000+08:00

i could kill darren right now.

aahhhhh the pain u caused me. 2000 word essay!?!

i say 1000 only. in addition to the trauma of going back to school, he had to burden me with the fact that i had another essay due in 2 days. telling me double the word quota at that. ahhhh. i guess it doesnt help that the subject is one that i have minimal/zero/tragic-di-fied knowledge and understanding of.

ahh isms! i hate you. i wonder why i ever signed up for it now. oh communism, karl marx. mao zedong! hitler! i hate you!!! not for the people you killed but for the pain you cause me even after your death.

WHY?!

i must be more compassionate. more More MORE compassionate. more empathy. more sympathy. more caring. more kindness. less selfish. more selfless. more understanding. more sensitivity. less cold-hearted. more patient.

and above all.

more LOVE.

love love love.
i ask of love.
with no reply.

that didnt make sense at all. ah well. maybe i shall learn when i visit destitute persons and psychatric residents in days to come (conviniently only 48 hours away).

how rich are you

2005-06-26T17:41:00.000+08:00

I'm loaded.
It's official.
I'm the 1,574,463,841 richest person on earth!

How rich are you? >>

i am the top 26.24% richest people in the world.

and that is taking my allowance only. im quite damn very lucky. there are approx 4,425,536,159 people out there poorer than me. im supposed to feel gracious and thankful now.

some compassion please?!?

how can anyone live on less than 2400 sing dollars in year? its not quite very possible at all.

now now, arent you inspired to donate and help the poorer? or would u prefer a bunch of senseless celebrities performing stunts.

2005-06-25T20:21:00.000+08:00

ahh crap. i've been awake for no more than 5 hours and my brain is in a blank. the day is ending. the holiday is ending. my homework is piling. i hate stupid social studies. i hate japan. i am about 1000 words short. i have no pictures. im trying to pretend that i did it in purpose and try drawing everything out so it has a scrapbook feel. however i am half drunk with a headache and my hand is shaky. my black marker is missing. my eraser died 3 months ago. i have nothing else to write. i have my chinese photo diary. i have to do my chinese book worksheet. i have to study. i have to wake up early tomorrow. i have to diet. i have to eat chips. i am not making sense. i need to clear my room. i need a frame for a painting. i am dying. i hate school. i hate japan. i hate you. and i hate me. go away. stay away. dont come near me.

2005-06-24T18:38:00.000+08:00

i just realised that im the only one that never made it going out with anyone in this new school.

i guess its just me huh?

ashened nails.

2005-06-24T15:49:00.000+08:00

the only reason i painted them is that they look half deformed that way.

it looks terrible.

but i like it looking terrible.

you know how in stories there is always this person who doesnt exactly like something or someone but stays attached to it anyway? for no rhyme or reason. just for that weird feeling. the one that makes you like the things you usually hate. because it is deformed.

its just like what that cartoonist told us last year. its like cow and chicken, its so horridly throw-up-able gross and ugly but people still think its cute? they like it?

then i start scraping some of it off. now i hate it. its so annoyingly imperfectly perfect. rather, its so perfectly imperfect. its so correct to be imperfect these days that it has become practically perfect.

painting part2

2005-06-20T00:20:00.000+08:00

my room is PERFECT.

absolutely perfect.

that is one beautiful completed wall.

it was a traumatising experience trying to clear my room. 15 years of accumulated junk. never once in my life i had actually really did anything about it. it was more of stack, put aside.

today.

*drum roll*

i DUMPED EVERTHING! ha.

i think i have like 3 garbage bags full of rubbish. 2? bags full of stuff to give away. 2 shelfs removed. its so.... revitalising.

not to mention all those long forgotten items that i re-dug out. rather embarassing some of them. i found my age old mickey notebook! used to be my favorite item. dad bought it for me a million years ago.

speaking of the male of the house, he got rather angry for us painting the place without his consultation. which i really dunt understand cos he doesnt want to paint it for me, and when we do a good job, + cleaning up and all, he just blows up. almost like he doesnt want me to be happy or somethin. that stupid blue has got me rather depressed for a long time.

*sticks tongue out*

hrmp. i can live without men.

much as expected, i found a chocolate chip muesli bar inside my drawer. hmm.... that has to be about 6 years old?? maybe it turned mouldy already. i wouldnt want to know. battery i distinctly remember from primary 3, doing the electromagnet experiment. have no idea why i brought it back. today i found the nail, wire, battery, all apparatus ready. too bad the nail turned to a nice bronze shade. i found old letters from cynthia, none of which i dared to read. i guess they are all really really really cheesy and i would die of embarassment just touching it. then theres was the old jotter book i used to learn piano theory. u know the kind u draw ur hand out and name the letters? yea, that. even in my younger years i was no genius.

i kinda liked to think that i was a genius gone wrong. too many bangs in the head or something. now, incriminating evidence!! ahhh hide it away, now!!

come to think of it the hand shape is really deformed. maybe it really wasnt me!

ahh well. now that i got my habitat in order, my life should follow suit.

right?

i wish my favorite lamp is still working.

wonderwoman ----an original by xiaoxian.

2005-06-18T23:19:00.000+08:00

wonderwoman
Originally uploaded by dahhh.

bet u didnt know she was so pretty.

aww... or was it just my drawing?

painting the optimism back into my life

2005-06-18T20:03:00.000+08:00

ahh a beautiful day it was. i woke up tired, with a backache and a rather scratchy throat. sore arms not to mention. now im actually convinced i worked out yesterday.

a bad start to a great progress.

i PAINTED MY ROOM!!
ok, technically i fell asleep halfway and had to get melda(my maid) to continue. nonetheless it was great effort put in on my side. million thanks to melda, not that she would ever read this anyway.

beautiful beautiful greeeeeeeen. bright beautiful optimistic greeeeeen.

i feel better already.

and whats an art piece without the artists' tools??

dont u feel better already? theres still bits and pieces of paint on my fingers. i love the feeling of paint on my hands.

actually, its only half done:

im gonna make parts of it orange.

ahhhh. picture perfect.

fridays are so beautiful.

2005-06-17T21:31:00.000+08:00

ahhh im so tired. yawwwwwwwn.

and my throat hurts a bit. nothing a strepsils cant heal i trust.

the skin on my fingers are so eroded away i think theres only like 1 nanometre of it left. i can practically see my bone.

thankfully the blood has flown away from them. i can just imagine that red liquid gushing out right now.

ahhhhhh.

consequences of the extreme sport rock climbing.

dangerous. very dangerous.

anyways i was rather amused when i saw our class blog and this is what an mysterious unknown creature confessed.

<anonymous> : erm. no offence. but im an outsider. and i was reading some of your class people blog.. haha.. HAHA.. how come u all make life sound soo complex.. hahaha..

equation anoymous
us + life = complicated.

equation me
me + life = zero
us + life = -life

we have no life. and amazingly i dunt feel sad about it.

but still, feel sad for us. then treat us ice cream.

we like gelares.

believe the unbelievable.

2005-06-17T00:12:00.000+08:00

ok. breathe. all u just saw was irreverant possibly inaccurate but possibly true news about the primary school friends.

ahh friendster. great network. i should go more often.

news A

zenzel is in s league!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how COOL IS THAT?!

*hyperventilates*

zenzel is basically the best looking (possibly coolest) guy of 6L 2002. h-o-t. now hes in s league (possibly) news from yixiu.

u mean he actually talks to girls?!

but agn she said zz not zenzel therefore i must not think too much.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
muuusttt have 6L gathering!

news B

marcus wears shades and thinks he looks cool. i spot a resemblance between him and a certain guy called samuel in my class.

N-O-T COOL.

news C

AMOS. IS. ALIVE!!! gooooodness gracious me! same class as me from pri 1-3. resident pai kia. talks too much. doesnt do homework. seriously rather annoying at times.

BUT. zhiyu and marcus keep in touch with him. (or rather they have him on friendster)

he looks............. errr........... better? maybe a bit better la. looks the same, amos-ish. and he has a mei/sister called melinda who floods him with testimonials. zhiyu thinks he is ummm... hot? ok, popular/should be popular with the girls.

Interesting fact: hes in ST PATS!!!!!!!!!!!

st pats = opposite my school = might bump into him one day (rare chance nontheless) = omg!!

hmm.. that would be interesting. i used to rather hate him. i was the guai kid rmbr??

so i saw ming jiang's too. yes, another amos-like guy from my younger days. he has like. 3 millions friends and 3 million testimonials.
ahhh.

conclusion?
loud noisy ~~annoying~~ boys in lower primary become lame ~~appreciated~~ guys in upper secondary. and also, rather, popular.
*CRINGE*

grosssss.
yuck yuck.
ewwwwwwwwww.

cant imagine.

2005-06-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

im wasteed.

we spent the past 30 min planning our class chalet.

have the feeling its gonna be fun. and pathetic. patheticaly fun, funly pathetic.
u know what i mean?

fun because its a chalet and chalets are fun.

pathetic because only the guys are staying over.

GUY TALK!!!! maybe should drag some girls to eavesdrop. wonder what they will be talking about.

but again, they are OUR guys. our CLASS guys.

umm... GUYS.

of girls and things.

2005-06-15T20:06:00.000+08:00

ahh. girls and their fascination with sport bras. again heard more about colors and brands today at sports climbing level 1. oh western influences have made us asian girls so liberal!

sidetrack: ahh im officially certified and can climb at most rock walls out there. not that i probably will but i shall try.

so. inspired. heres my take on the (possibly) biggest brands in town.

brand: saha (or something like that)
venue: robinson
good: a cut below the *nike&addidas extravaganza. has all the colors of the rainbow, and more.
bad: not very well cut. for every normal girl.
special: nothing. has sizes that fit your 5-year-old cousin. little kids, now u can exercise without worries!! of course im not exaggerating.

*drawls* rriiiiggggghhhhhhht

brand: nike
venue: all over town. umm.. no all over the WORLD.
good: oh-so-cool + funky designs. has actually a halter one?!
bad: elitist. (refer to above).
special: umm.. dunt ask me. i dun own one. i still trying to hit middle-upper class.

brand: addidas
venue: see nike then take about 80%. yes, still all over the WORLD.
good: um. old school. a little, every so slightly, tiny-weeny-bit less pricy than nike.
bad: elitist. (refer to above).
special: try malaysia. half price!!

brand: reebok
venue: dah dah dah
good: my favorite by far. amazing how i dun even have one. its a true classic beauty. reasonably priced (oh-so-rare)!!!
bad: ------???
special: ------???

hmmm....

2005-06-14T22:05:00.000+08:00

Extroverted (E) 54.17% Introverted (I) 45.83%
Intuitive (N) 58.33% Sensing (S) 41.67%
Thinking (T) 58.33% Feeling (F) 41.67%
Perceiving (P) 62.5% Judging (J) 37.5%

ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population.

Free Myers-Briggs Word Choice Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

2005-06-14T19:11:00.000+08:00

wa. i actually passed my piano theory grade er.... 4 or 5. cant remember. thats how much i care.

oh well 71/100. by normal standards its an A. but by piano abrsm standards its a just pass. i was kinda expecting at least a merit considering that i got distinction for the past few years. cant expect too much i suppose. i didnt even finish doing 1 book.

my sister kinda failed. by a mere 4 marks. really should go and console her but im too tired.

did i mention that im officially 15 years old? so that means i can go make my ic! exciting!

ok not really. especially since my stupid skin is NOT clearing up. and um... the photo will come out terrible not unlike the ones on my ezlink and passport. then i have to live with it for the rest of my life and die of embarrassment cos i looked like that in my Youth!

um.. young = vibrant = lively = happy = pretty? NOT.

you know how its always that pretty young thing. not that ugly little monster? (ok sometimes maybe.) the point is. if i look like this when im 15, i'll look like crap when im 30. doesnt help that i just gained another kilo. courtesy of malaysia, truly asia. so thats about 2 kg per year which means...

at by the time im 30 i would be about 75+++ kg?!?! bright future. i love it.

speaking of malaysia. its truly much better than singapore. the exchange rate is to my advantage, i managed to get 3 skirts and a bag in a matter of 1 and a half day of shopping. gain 1 kg. um... spend my birthday with a muffin instead of a cake. also i have hbo, cinemax, star movies and disney at my fingertips. what more could i ask for?

i know.
more time. more more MORE time to stay in beeeeaaaautiful KL.

and the bestest thing of all? i know no one there! in fact, almost no one knew i went there at all. yup, thats about how social i have become. vast improvements, vast improvements indeed.

i think i shall move over permanently.

2005-06-11T20:10:00.000+08:00

woots. finally paid my library fine today.

$11.40. im good. i do believe my record is something along the lines of 16 bucks? ahhhh i think the library loves me. i give them so much money!

was about to promise self never to chalk up such an exorbitant fine again but realised its quite impossible. what makes it worse is that i never finished reading the books that i borrowed.

which reminds me of my homework. people out there, no worries. i havent started on it even. in any event u wish to let me copy your work, tell me. oh and spread the word. tell me soon k? or i might never see the light of the day again.

of course i dont actually believe that u will do that.

no harm being hopeful eh.

2005-06-10T21:58:00.000+08:00

i decided to open up to the world with a new tagboard!

must not be a cranky old lady eh? =D

ahem. 3 days to my birthday.

i can see a rainbow

2005-06-09T23:34:00.000+08:00

Colors! what are they Dead these days!?

my bedroom is still annoyingly blue. thank goodness not baby blue. but STILL blue. how am i supposed to tolerate that? i sacrifice a whole afternoon. trying to clear up the damned room. all that happened was a tornedo through my space.

so now its clutter-er than ever. messier than thought possible. and patheticly sad like theres no tomorrow. not that thats a bad thing. the holidays havent exactly been the greatest, but by far better than school. no?

possibly since the clutter cannot be removed. my inner turmoil is umm.... turmoil. like my chakras (was that what its called?) arent in peace/place or something. i have this perpetuating headache that just wont go away. especially when im indoors. rotting my life away in front of the television set. i often suspect a jog or some form of exercise would kind of clear it up.

never got down to it. as usual.

anyhow. i thought that my room would look wonderful green. bright cheery lime green.

Green. Green. i would gladly eat my ham and eggs green anyday.

also. it is my dream. to color my whole head Red. Bright Striking In-Your-Face Red.

alas! i am not allowed to. and i abide to the rules.

what makes it worse. is that my stomach is turning a weird shade. its overloaded.

O-V-E-R-L-O-A-D-E-D.

over worked and underpaid. sounds like how i would be when i grow up eh?

and my perpetuating headache returns. strikeback.

2005-06-09T17:38:00.000+08:00

crystal ball. oooo crystal ball. i see monkayyye!

p.s. yh think this looks horrid.

2005-06-09T17:28:00.000+08:00

oh and.

I REALLY REALLY WANT TO HAVE RED HAIR.

refer to blogtitle.

2005-06-09T17:12:00.000+08:00

little boys and girls out there.

next time u try to take the clutter out of your life.

try taking the clutter outta ur room first.

you know what they say.

what you see is what you get.

out of sight, out of mind.

away away gone.

i trusted them.

i tried to clear my room.

i tried hard.

i had a plan.

all i got was a reminder of how many thngs i had given up.

a) my art

kinda

i used to think that i was good. and so i flipped through all my glorious paintings/art folios from ms tang's time. guess what?

every piece that i remembered to be good somehow... didnt seem good anymore.

as a matter of fact. i realised that they had the potential to be really really good.

only. i always destroyed it by doing the non-crucial parts last minute.

alas! my destructive nature at work again!

and then i saw many unfinished works. half of them quite good even.

why cant i learn how to finish up what i started?! WHY?

i also saw all those bills for my art lessons. 2003. 2001. goodness knows why i still have them. gathering dust. all of them.

b) my piano.

this i dont really care. to hell with it. i hate it.

so wheres the artistic side to me again?!

that just brings me down to nothing.

i sound like a depressed pig.

probably cos i am one.

hold on a sec.

i thought depressed people make great artists.

2005-06-08T17:34:00.000+08:00

the ancient fairytale of love.

fairy tales usually dont come through.

star wars. honeystars!!

2005-06-06T22:43:00.000+08:00

ooooo this day should go down in history.

i watched STAR WARS!!!

quite exciting indeed. i am absolutely 100% in love with yoda. he is absolutely 100% the bestest thing that ever happened to umm... star wars. then theres always runner up R2!

for a while there i thought it was ah tu. misguided i was by chinese subtitles.

while im on that topic. i figured. that. hayden christensen was quite hot until he joined the dark side. of which he started to look half deformed and eventually became completely deformed. i better stay good and pious or i might turn ugly!!!!!

scary.

did i mention that i was on shopping craze?? 2 flipflops, 1 cd, 1 sneakers. quite a bit a lot for a couple of hours of shopping. Must stop. i promise to get myself a bikini, go jogging sometimes this month, think about quitting xcountry (yes, again). oh and also make someone get me a new wallet, dump all the furniture in my room and repaint it, get a new hi-fi, and possibly actually get down to doing my homework.

rather achievable.

kinda

should go out with timothy sihui and olivia more often. somehow i couldnt think of anything vaguely related to school with them. probably cos we are almost all in different schools.

is that a good thing?

didnt really 'catch up' much today. its safe to presume that there should be another trip soon yea?

we'll make that happen.

2005-06-05T12:51:00.000+08:00

since this is like a diary sorta thing and is probably something im gonna turn back a few years later to read. i better write down every little pathetic emotion i feel.

last night i realised that im really afraid to go for xcountry training. and also that im afraid to go visit dhs track cos im afraid that coach would scold me for being incredibly unfit. what makes it worse is that timothy told me now training is Super Pia.

SUPER PIA

its best i dont go and provoke any kind of weird things/emotions going on back at my ala mata. however u spell it.

i should quit xcountry cos i have no guts to go back cos EVERY TRAINING IS SUPER PIA there. oh then i would be even more unfit than i already am and then i will grow fat because rockclimbing is only once a week. then i will become depressed because of the significant lack of endorphins and then i will start to binge again. then i will start becoming severely fat of which then i would become bulimic because i cannot not eat. when im bulimic i would be too sick to do anything and i will start failing my exams. hmm... i think im doing that already. so yea i'll start failing worse. get kicked out of vip. tooooooo embarrased to return to dunman but might be forced to of which i have to go back to dhs track. ahhhh.

OR i would go to telok kurau secondary school where i will get multiple tattoos. multiple piercings and multiple boyfriends. cos im skinny, smart kinda, umm desperate, depressed and probably severly lacking in discipline and control. i will be the super pai kia. and then i start cursing vulgarities at the speed of light.

oh dear. im actually stereotyping what seems to be a really nice school. so im MEAN and NARROWMINDED lacking GENUINE INSIGHT. i hve no idea why i have been so caught up with that comment by larry choy but somehow the stupid electives report has made me scared of him. so much that i walked all the way back to station 5 on mt fuji cos he said so.

DESPITE the fact that i was drenched. quite frozen and quite wanting to sit the van. watching the many vans go past me just made it worse. its a good thing i had yvonne and clara with me or i would have totally KILLED mr larry choy.

sad life. i know.

its on auction, in case ur interested. i'll switch with you.

me.

2005-06-04T12:05:00.000+08:00

its saturday night. 1140pm as i start this blog entry.
stepford wives is playing on the tv about a metre away from me.
the stupid norton pop up wont go away.

i just came back from japan.

weird things are happening in the family none of which is convinient to be mentioned here.

i just bought a new tank and my sorta birthday present.

i just gained like 0.8kg. more actually but i don't really want to know the truth.

i don't know. it's just extremely weird and....

my holiday just seems so. so. short.

im going out with timothy sihui and olivia on monday. i think we're gonna watch star wars. cos timothy wants to watch it. i really have zero interest in that show but wth. im just glad to be going out with them. i've got quite enough of vip people.

oh and daryl's father is actually the doctor that i used to see all the time when i was young and actually fell sick. which also means his father's clinic is really quite very beside the provision? shop that my grandparents run.

or used to run. come to think of it i really cant remember what it used to be like. and whether its still there. im so distant from my dad's side of relatives. and the irony here is that they really live right down the road. im actually closer to my grandma who resides in malaysia who is now half the globe away in london.

i guess i should really say something about japan. not everyday you go on an eduational tour huh? just for the record.

day 1: probably the most boring day on earth. went to hot springs naked with 5 other people i have known only for 6 months.

day 2: mt fuji. survived 1.5 degrees with 3 wet layers of clothing. learnt that guys can actually be normal decent in fact, nice people.

day 3: um.. sake factory? reminded once again that i cannot drink alcohol.

day 4: shibuya. shopping. enough said.

day 5: disneyland!! developed new ambition to be one of the disney characters. of which my mother changed it to setting up my own disneyland.

day 6: last day. loved the 100 yen shop. loved studio ghibli. was called bimbo/stupid/ditzy/slow/etc by ganesh at least a million times.

thats a brief summary i guess. sometimes i think i am really a bimbo. you know how some people seem to be bimbos but in fact are the smartest, least airheaded people alive? i think im just the opposite. i seem quite normal, bad skin, growing fat, no pink. rather not like a bimbo at all. but inside... im just a complete airhead. i dont think. i dont have opinions. im secretly (ok not really) in love with heart shapes and the idea of my knight in shining armour. im quite slow and quite stupid.

guess i just cant be that sarcastic-talking-back-full-of-cynical-remarks-thinking person that is expected of me.

im just too nice.

umm no. i actually meant simple minded.

hell.

bah.

writing a page in history.

2005-05-26T20:04:00.000+08:00

today was quite a bad day. but thats okay cos i got over it and tomorrow's friday.

nonetheless i wish to record down this day in history.

it all started with that fateful soccer penalty. we lost. it was quite terrible.
it was the bestest day of the year until. we. lost.

so there went my full day off. i could have felt better if i thought it was only supposed to be a half day off. but i knew otherwise and felt terrible. lets hope the hockey teams won and we can have some rest tomorrow.

then something else happened.

my smiley guy keychain broke. at vital areas.

the head broke off.

death by physics. after that is was immediately physics test of which i probably failed cos i couldnt really do it.

just when i thought things couldnt get any worse, the body broke into 2 after the test. the heart in exact symmetrical half.

then the bus went right past me when i flagged it down.

it was quite upsetting.

this will make me a stronger person. yes indeed.

a dried up rose.

2005-05-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

pale.

2005-05-21T22:12:00.000+08:00

blonde.

2005-05-21T22:09:00.000+08:00

blue.

2005-05-21T22:08:00.000+08:00

bright.

what is happening to me!?!?!?

2005-05-21T16:23:00.000+08:00

sign of bimbotisim no.1

i worry about my nails.

this is quite worrying indeed. sometimes i wish i had really short nails like everyone else. like that i can totally destroy them without feeling like i ruined the best thing that has happened to me.

i worry about it playing basketball. i worry about it rock climbing. and its seriously affecting my productivity.

i promise to cut them short. by my standards that is.

theres no rock climbing next week and im amazingly rather upset. no working out for 1 week!!! i seem to be less flabby after like 1 session. i can imagine my hot-bod-to-be already.

oh thats another sign of bimbotism isnt it? compulsive fat checks.

they keep falling.

2005-05-19T20:19:00.000+08:00

when it rains, it pours.

or at least it just keeps raining.

it was a beautifully bright and sunny day. the sun hung high in the bright blue sky. the magnolia clouds light and fluffy, like little marshmallows in the air.

then somebody up there was sad.

it rained.

stay at the bus stop when it rains. take a whiff of that wonderful grilled salmon coming from nowhere at all. watch as the rain trinkles down.

sit down and do your homework.

2005-05-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

and that was just 7 years ago. where is my vincent?

2005-05-18T21:50:00.001+08:00

if only i didnt look so terrible.

2005-05-18T21:50:00.000+08:00

pure spring water.

2005-05-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

just pebbles

2005-05-18T21:48:00.000+08:00

my very own andy warhol.

2005-05-18T21:29:00.001+08:00

i wonder what that stands for.

2005-05-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

father and son.

2005-05-18T21:26:00.000+08:00

now you know how far i walk home.

vincent.

2005-05-16T20:39:00.000+08:00

so i was walking home.

i realised that the

vincent loves jasmine

19.1.97

was missing!

gone. missing. just not there anymore.

its this engraving on the cement thats been there since forever. 19 january 1997 to be precise. even after the construction stuff was done, it still stood there.

this must be a sign.

just like how i dreamt of covalent bonds and we were taught that today. only it was a yucky dream with funny creatures.

i hope i merely looked past it today. i havent gotten a picture of it yet.

i dont like the lack of familar forms.

you have been warned.

2005-05-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

i was just listening to the songs on the oc soundtrack mix2 from the site. then after a series of computer lagging, the window managed to close somehow and the songs are just still playing and playing and playing.

amazing isnt it?

i wish mum would just let me watch a dvd now. its sunday night and theres nothing to cheer me up.

teachers expect us to do 3 assignments 1 task in a week, and still study consistently enough to prepare for a surprise test?! what do they think we are?

so maybe the maths assignment is nothing much. so maybe 2 assignments? STILL.

crazy. just absolutely crazy.

doesnt help that this stupid computer just doesnt work properly.

there is a limit to my patience, tolerance and discipline.
oh and also capacity for fats and chocolates.

so dont push it.

sleeping pills aint gonna kill u.

2005-05-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

sometimes i really hate the feeling of being awake. isnt it so much better to be off sleeping, not thinking, not doing anything. an occasional dream would spice up our lives. just like that, its just so simple.

only then we probably have nothing to dream about. or worse! we get dream communities of people and we live the same life all over again.

sleeping beauty got it off easy. before she slept, she lived in a world of perfection. shes a damn princess! then she sleeps, promised a prince charming when she wakes up. plenty to look forward too. not a care in the world.

why? why cant that happen to us? we have nothing to wake up to.

nothing.

just plain old tiring boring life.

my first step towards being that artist.

2005-05-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

i have decided to embark on an artistic journey for monsters.

i am going to do a mural on my wall of a whole bunch of monster faces. just the eyes and mouth kind. a bit scary looking like those on the totems.

is it called totems? those funny tribal looking things like a pillar. with motifs and faces about.

yup thats my target. i will have a whole bunch of it. arranged orderly, all looking different. different colors. blah blah. more basic fundemental shapes than the complicated kind.

i shall start brainstorming during maths tmr. =)

wish me luck.

me and my stupid ss pamphlet.

2005-05-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

i cannot believe my mum said its ugly.

nono. Rojak!!

i cant decide which is worse. i spent 2 whole fking nights doing it. which is by the way waaaaay More than i have ever spent even for my stupid 1500 word report.

and THIS is what i get!?!

brilliant.

just brilliant.

i So Sold Out.

im doing my homework. and what do i get in return!?!? not a word of encouragement. NOT A WORD.

me and my stupid life.

and my stupid obsession with my ss pamphlet.

BLOCKHEAD

2005-05-10T20:03:00.000+08:00

Lucy was given a written assignment by her teacher:
i will not talk in class.
i will not talk in class.
i will not talk in class.
On the other hand, who knows what i'll do?

!

Charlie: what if everyone in the whole world suddenly decided to run away for his problems?

Linus: well, at least we'd all be running in the same direction.

Short (2002)
the parables of peanuts.

!

in the times when snoopy didnt really look like snoopy. and charlie was still fat and quite ugly. lucy was still uncomprehensible. crabby really. schulz speaks in a language i sometimes do not understand.

but the jokes are still funny. in the rare chances that you do know what he is saying.

surprisingly insightful.

how the chocolate bar saved the day.

2005-05-09T22:33:00.000+08:00

it was just like any other ordinary day.

bad. sad. full of crap.

it was yet another mathematics lesson for this young girl. she hated math lessons, she could hardly understand a thing that her teacher wrote.

there was a boy sitting on her left. he too seemed bored. for the strangest reason, the whole class started playing with their graphic calculators. these calculators are so amazing, they could draw graphics. all the little brains concentrated on that small screen.

that young girl leaned over to her friend, trying to show him another function he seemed unaware of.

the chair she sat on tilted slightly. and a little bit more. and a little bit more.

WHAM!

she was on the ground.

so she thought, something bad has to happen everyday anyway. nonetheless she expressed her distress to the class.

the lesson went by. next up was mother tongue. it may seem like a totally harmless lesson, do not be fooled. ironically, the chinese had already realised that a long time ago. just think of all those idioms they use in hongkong drama serials. of chinese background, the young girl realised the danger that lurked ahead. she absolutely Refused to Step into the Classroom.

she was however, a victim of circumstances. she was left with no choice.

through the lesson she tried to occupy herself with something else, grasping on the her only hope of surviving the lesson. she coloured her words, she did her maths, she stared at the ground, she drew all over her book.

alas! the tutor was far too experienced to be so easily defeated.

the young girl walked out a sad girl. a broken child.

she went to look for her saviour.

boybands. n another one. n another one.

2005-05-08T22:03:00.000+08:00

remember when is said the class com was a wonderful thing?

i take it back.

none of the stupid nsync songs i took can be sync-ed to my iriver. hello?!?!?! we're talking bout nsync here. a.k.a. greatest boy band on earth?? how can u deprive me of such pleasure?!?!

this is way too much. waaaaaaay too much.

stupid idiot.

feels sad over how it is monday tomorrow.

and its monday all over again. im so excited.

squeal!

*rolls eyes*

feels dreadful.

im feeling dreadful as ever. weekends are so short they just arent worth anything anymore.

feels worse by minute.

now im feeling worse and worse. WHY CANT THEY GIVE ME MY HOLIDAY!?!?!?! this is so dumb. the hols seem so near, yet so far. or rather, faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar.

all hope flutters away.

(title) why hope should not have wings

for it was never meant to be around.
yet you still want it so desperately.
for we cannot live without it.
yet we do not regularise it.
(maybe we should eat it for lunch)
for it does not do anything.
yet the last thing you want is for it to leave.
for it is always there.
yet never there.
for when u are there.
(hold on a second)

where has it gone again?

pop art. live it. feel it. embrace it.

2005-05-08T01:22:00.000+08:00

gee. its morning already.